


As Good as It Gets

by Blarn (Nocturnal_Introvert)



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Rambling, References to Depression, happiness, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8282468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocturnal_Introvert/pseuds/Blarn
Summary: Diane Nguyen reflects on the similarities between herself and Bojack Horseman, but also on their differences.  (Comparing Bojack's depression with Diane's situational depression and how they handle their mental illnesses).





	

Diane Nguyen, all her life, had felt she didn’t belong. She was the lone sister in a family of Bostonian brothers who constantly tormented her and parents who barely seemed to try to understand her. Her whole life she had felt like an intellectual loner amidst a seemingly endless void of morons. And she tried her hardest to make sure she proved herself separate from them. Diane was a firm believer in the idea that what makes a person who they truly are lies close beneath the surface. In her opinion, which, she thought, was very valid, you are defined simply by what you do, there’s no deeper meaning to be discussed. As much as she stuck to it, this belief terrified her. After all, who was she? She had run celebrities’ Twitter pages and moderated SnapChat livestreams and done a bunch of other pointless bullshit she never thought she’d stoop to. And before that, she had ghost written a book about Bojack Fucking Horseman, one of the worst people she had met to date. Not only that, but she became his friend and somehow, she had eventually stayed at his house for two months, hiding from her husband and doing nothing besides sleeping, drinking, smoking pot, watching Horsin’ Around, and half-heartedly contemplating the meaning of life.  
Bojack had seemingly no values or motivation. Diane knew that; yet, something about him still brought out the worst in her. Something about Bojack overshadowed any inch of inspiration Diane had and rendered her basically useless. She couldn’t help but see his side of things: how nothing really had a point, how happiness was completely impossible to achieve, and how in this life we are completely and utterly alone. She wanted to argue that everything she saw in Cordovia had been the reason for her pathetic state of being, but she knew deep down that wasn’t true. Thinking that the tragic things she had seen there made her depressed just wasn’t accurate. Seeing the tragedy wasn’t the worst thing that happened. When surrounded by tragedy and pain, not being able to help or do anything worthwhile hit Diane deeper than just a mourning for the innocent lives lost there and the realization that Sebastian St. Clair was nothing but a money grabbing fraud. The worst thing that happened, she had to admit, was realizing then and there that she could never be the person she thought she was. Diane really did want to make a difference, which she thought separated her and Bojack, but she just...she didn’t know how. She didn’t even know where to start. If she could travel back in time and tell her teenage self that she would end up married to a television star and writing Hollywoo bullshit, she never would have believed it. As a teenager, Diane thought she knew her course in life, she thought she could make a change through her writing and her ideas. She was a strong, smart, feminist woman who took no bullshit and wasn’t afraid to call people out. It had taken her most of her teenage years to find her footing, but by her early twenties she thought she had a pretty strong sense of self. Had Hollywoo ruined that, or was had she always been destined to a life of mediocrity and nonsense?  
Even when she finally felt like she was making a difference, and she could easily get away from her annoyingly peppy and equally dopey and obsessive husband with the excuse of a job keeping them apart, nothing worked out how she had hoped. Maybe she set the bar too high. Maybe a dorky Vietnamese girl from Boston who married a TV star couldn't somehow find happiness by changing the system from the inside. And maybe that wasn't wrong. Maybe settling for a horrible job trying to make a millionaire scumbags look good was as happy as she could get.  
She thought of Bojack. How, even when he was about to win an Oscar (or not), she knew he wasn’t happy. Maybe Bojack fake starring in his dream movie and having everyone love him but no one like him; maybe that's as happy as he could ever get. Maybe he never would actually feel good about his career as an actor. Yes, he had success, money, friends(?)... But Diane knew that Bojack knew he would never actually be appreciated for his hard work and following his dreams. He would never be content...Maybe that was just too much to ask. Maybe no one could ever experience true happiness.... Or maybe they were both just really depressed. No matter what it was: depression, pessimism, over-analyzation, or some sort of weird depersonalization, Diane felt like Bojack really understood her. In a way no one else ever had. In a way no one else probably ever could.  
At the same time, however, she realized something else. Bojack had fallen victim to his own sadness. He turned to bad habits and he ruined relationships due to his inability to ever truly connect or feel somewhat happy for very long. Bojack had let his feelings take over his life. And now, happiness would never be in his reach. Bojack pushed any and everything away that didn’t go exactly like he thought it should have. Instead of accepting what he could get and letting himself be somewhat happy, he pushed everyone away and fell into a total undeniable and ineffable pit of despair. And Diane had let herself do that for a while...but, somehow, she was able to overcome it. Diane worked hard to fix her relationship with Mr.Peanutbutter. While he wasn’t perfect, he was sweet and he cared about her and she loved him. Maybe they would never see eye to eye on certain issues, and maybe he would do more annoyingly stupid things and they would fight, but, that didn’t mean Diane couldn’t feel the warm comfort of being held by someone who loved her at night. Sure he could be out of line, but he called to check in on her when she was away and he was completely in love with her and loyal as a dog. While she could never feel happy about everything he did, Diane knew she loved him too. And that was enough for her. And while she couldn’t be that perfect version of herself who helped people in need and became a famous author, she was still able to write, which she loved, and her new job looked promising.  
Unlike Bojack, she had hope, hope strong enough to pull her up from her depression. It wasn’t easy, and there were times when she thought everything was going to fall apart again, but now, she truly felt content. Not happy. No one could ever be happy for very long, she decided. But they could be content. And she was, for the most part. And that was good enough for her.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about my emotional rambling. I love Diane so much and relate to her on a personal level.


End file.
